My friend forgot to secure the latch on his magic card briefcase and all his commander decks are now mixed together. Now he’s playing 1200 card pickup and has to reorganize everything.
the gimmick blogs are like tumblr’s rogue gallery. yes we’ve got some heroes, yes we’ve got some villains, but more importantly if you look over here you will see some freak who devotes all their time to counting the number of “t’s” in a post
T Count: 15
Letter Count: 198
Your T Percentage: 7.58%
Average T Percentage: 6.95%
You used the letter T 1.09 times as much as average!
What if everyone in Gotham knows who Batman is? They all know, they just don’t say anything. It’s not something that is spoken of or acknowledged in any way, other than the occasional glance or shared look of understanding. But they all know. Except for Brucie Wayne. Lord bless their himbo sunshine child, but he seems to be the only person in Gotham that doesn’t know who Batman is. He must be protected at all costs.
Everyone in Gotham knows who Batman is. (They’re wrong)
Lord bless their himbo sunshine child 🤣🤣🌼
Ok but like what if Two-Face started the Matches rumor because he wants to protect his little meow meow ? Knowing that no one’s gonna fuck with Matches if they think he’s Batman.
Two-Face:You ever notice how Matches and Bats are never in the same room at the same time?
Goons: 👀
Two-Face: Ol’ Matches is pretty built under that plaid atrocity, isn’t he? Kind of Batman built, you know what I’m sayin?
Commissioner Gordon: 👀
Two-Face: I ain’t never seen Matches inside Arkham, is all I’m sayin … OR HAVE I 😏😏😏 ?
I am not super familiar with this, but… Matches is Bruce too, right?
Yep! Matches Malone was an actual guy who died due to a series of events. He was a criminal but not a bad guy.
After he died Bruce used his identity as a way to gain intel on the Gotham underworld.
Behold Matches Malone
I just now had this thought but another person I think would be entertaining if people assumed they were Batman is Harvey Bullock.
@running-with-batfam adding this to the list as one of the objectively funniest possible options
What if it’s all of them. Different people think it’s a certain person. And everyone thinks everybody else is on the same page as they are
But still no one thinks it’s Bruce.
That’s absolutely perfect thank you
Some people think it’s multiple people. Kinda like “One person could never pull it off. Matches Malone, Harvey Bullock and Vicki Vale take turns. That’s why Batman can break his ribs and patrol the next night. They just switch who’s in the costume.” Meanwhile Bruce is just sneaking past Alfred and going out on patrol with broken ribs despite very clear instructions to stay put.
MASTERPOST (ID and adds, long undercut):
AKA: all rb and # so far, bc I’m like THIS. Enjoy!
@i-am-snowils-admiral batman#amazing#the question is who’s the poor guy everyone is convinced is Batman#one hilarious answer is Matches Malone
@andthebeanstalk also hilarious would be everyone knows it’s him but no one tells him
When September and October are nearing and you’re planning an event: google “Rosh Hashanah *year*” and *Yom Kippur *year*” and then, and I cannot stress this enough, don’t plan your event on those days. In fact, don’t plan any events starting sundown the night before. Those are the three most important days of the Jewish calendar, and, once again, I cannot stress enough how much this little bit of forethought and kindness will make every Jew you know cry tears of joy.
in 2023, the night before Rosh Hashanah is Thursday evening, September 14.
pirates of the caribbean really introduced an eldritch octopus man who kills indiscriminately and torments the dead as their poster villain and then you watch the movies and it’s like, “oh no, actually the worst villain in this series is a small white british man who functions as the herald of capitalism” and that was very very brave of them
im actually so embarrassed for tumblr like how are you gonna make your big twitter knockoff move WEEKS LATER when that had already died down and crowned threads as the new successor already?
if threads is “the new successor” to twitter then the entire social media side of the internet needs to be purged with cleansing flame
I realize it’s just because they’re trying to introduce the audience to the concept of Pokemon and everything but nothing will ever be funnier to me than prof oak being like “these are creatures called Pokemon, they live in all sorts of environments!” like imagine if you met a biology professor and they were like ‘I’ve been studying these intriguing creatures called “animals’
I maintain that Pokemon starts to make a lot more sense when you stop thinking of the Professors as biologists and start thinking of them as children’s science communicators, which, in a world where children as young as 10 are expected to make their way in a world populated by superpowered fauna almost entirely alone, stands as an important and laudable career. “There are 150 animals” becomes the in-universe equivalent of “There are three states of matter.” There’s too much information in this field to dump on a grade-schooler all at once, so Professor Oak is here to mete out animal facts as they become relevant in an easy-to-understand way.
That being said, I would love to see what kind of shit the real Pokemon biologists are on. I’m just imagining some disheveled, overcaffienated researcher writing a grant proposal for their study on why certain wingull seem to evolve into pelipper faster when they hatched in the winter or something. There’s bird shit on their glasses. They haven’t left the lighthouse in months. This is their life’s work. Ash Ketchum doesn’t need to know about real Pokémon biology.
